Merry Happy Super Christmas

Happy 2007. I heard mother nature hates Vancouver as much this year as she did in the later stages of last year. There are still flowers growing over here and some trees still have leaves. Its fairly cold but no rain or apocalypse. After a 3 week break, I am back into the "teaching" routine. It's getting kind of boring but it's not that bad.
For Christmas holidays, Sami, Alex, Sami's brother Sham, Sham's friend Tom, and I went to Nagano, Tokyo, and Yokohama. We stayed at a hostel in Nagano with around 20 U.S. military personnel. This got interesting. They were actually fairly nice but shockingly stereotypical. Crewcut guys who talked a lot about blowing things up and beefy girls who looked mean. The first night we were there, everyone was drinking and I was getting along with everyone until this Aussie chick started bitching to me about the army guys and how stereotypical they were. This was accompanied with numerous shots of Jagermeister so by the end of this pep talk I was a little riled up. I dont remember much from that point on but apparently I offended most of the American contingent pretty quickly and effectively. One guy told me he was a pilot and I believe I replied, "Jesus, YOU don't actually fly a plane do you?!" I also may have told them my opinion on how stupid someone has to be to voluntarily join the military while there is a very publicized fucking war going on. I spent the rest of the Nagano trip laying low in my room reading after that.
Christmas dinner was Japanese food and, although it was really good, doesn't really cut it at Christmas. After Christmas we headed to Tokyo. Tokyo is pretty crazy. The subway system alone is enough to give you a headache. It's a little hard to comprehend how big Tokyo is and how many people there are. We went to the Tsukiji fish market where I've heard like 20% of the world's seafood is bought and sold. We hung out in Harajuku where all the young people shop and all the weirdos prance around in their weirdo costumes. Pretty weird. We also went to the comic book and video game area of Tokyo where the nerdiest of nerds congregate and salivate over cartoon manga characters and rub themselves against giant action figurines. I avoided the pools of saliva and premature ejaculation and checked out the porn sections at all of these stores. The Japanese are sick fuckers. Half of the porn had some rape related theme, the other half was cartoon porn.
Anyways, our hostel in Tokyo was nice and didnt have any soldiers to insult, although there was this bad French magician who kept showing us his tricks. There are few things more awkward than watching a magician fuck up. Magicians are just supposed to be good, you dont show people your tricks unless you know you can do them. The show:

Bad Magician: Ok, I got a trick for you.
Bouche: What? No, I gotta go do something.
BD: No, its a really good one. You have to stay. It wont take long.
B: Ugh, really? We went through this yesterday.
BD: Pick a card, any card.
B: Fine.
BD: (After some shuffling, etc.) Is this your card?
B: No.
BD: (With a little smirk on his face) Well, this is your card then!
B: (Sigh) No.
BD: What? Weird. Ok, I got another one for you. See this ball?
B: Yes, I see it.
BD: (Does some stupid hand gestures while clumsily grabbing another ball from his pocket) OK, Which hand is the ball in?
B: Well, now that you have two balls, I bet both hands will have a ball.
BD: (Blank Stare) I don't have two balls.
B: Fine, the left one.
BD: Yes! But look at this, the right one has a ball too!
B: Yes. Ok, I have to go.
BD: But wait! Ill clap my hands and make the balls disappear! (He claps, after dropping one of the balls down his sleeve) Ta Da!
B: Sorry, you dropped your ball on my foot.
BD: Fuck!

Most of his tricks were so screwed up and long that by the end, I didn't even know if I should be inpressed or not. The worst part was he made one of us videotape all of his tricks. That tape must of been filled with yawns, polite applause, and awkward laughter. After Tokyo we went to Yokohama and met up with my Japanese friend Ayumi who showed us around, which was pretty cool. Her husband was kinda weird, Ayumi told me he drank alot and liked to sleep in the street. Like, literally the street. She told me that she was a little worried since its not safe in Japan to sleep in the street anymore. I told her that is hasn't been safe to sleep in the middle of the road in Canada for a long time now. Her husband also had this man crush on Sham's
friend Tom. He kept rubbing him. Highlights of Yokohama included seeing Mt.Fuji, walking around the hotel like a big man in my robe, and having some homeless guy shout English at us while licking his lips and rubbing his
crotch. The weird thing was, he was rubbing his crotch in like a circular motion. I should have told him he was never going to get off that way. We went back to Tokyo for New Years. New Years is a big thing in Japan but its a big family thing so they don't go out and party much. The highlight of New Years for me was running into the only Quizno's in Japan by accident and eating $18 worth of sub there. The staff thought I was very funny. It was mostly foreigners out partying that night but it was good fun.
So yeah, that was my vacation. I'm now back to teaching. We have parent observations right now so I cant insult the kids as much as I would like. Ill make up for it next month. I dont even want to talk about my neighbours. Ive realized that it is mostly just the area I live in that is unfriendly. Whenever I go to other places in Japan, people say hi to me, or invite me to play basketball, or at least smile. Ok, have fun with the storms.

Bouche