More Urine and Anger Towards Neighbours

I'm going to have to fight one of my neighbours. There are 45 apartments in my building and I see roughly 2 or 3 of these people in a month. One of the people I see is this middle-aged Japanese businessman on my floor who refuses to look at me. Ive tried getting his attention, making eye contact, saying hello in three languages, "accidently" get in his way, quite deliberately getting in his way, nothing works. The next step is hand-to-hand combat. I hate him.
Well, the only 2 good people in my company, Sami and Alex, have gone back home to Australia to inbreed or play with cricket bats or come up with new ways to butcher the English language or whatever the hell Aussies do. Fortunately, the English guy I can't stand is also leaving this month so we are going to get 3 new teachers. Going by the ratio of 1 normal westerner for every 5 who come to Japan, Im probably still going to be fucked with some weirdos but there's a chance I'll get a new friend.
I kinda hurt my knee a few weeks ago and I haven't been able to run so I bought a pass from a gym/pool near my house. It's outrageously expensive but I have a lot of hours in the day so I need to do something. Since the gym opens at 10am and closes by 5pm, pretty much all of the clientele are fairly old. Actually, you could say I am the only white person/English speaking person/person under 60/person without a stooped back/person with chesthair in the whole place. I stand out a little bit. Now I know how to swim but apparently if you don't swim for like 3 years, the first time back is pretty tough. I splashed/nearly drowned myself for 20 laps, watching what must have been great-grandfathers pass me consistently. It was a little discouraging. I've gotten better though and I am the only one who uses the weights so I walk around like I own the place now. Well, in Japan, they make you wear a swim cap when you swim, so I walk around like I own the place as much as one can with a swim cap on. One of these wise old Japanese women told me, quite out of nowhere I might add, that because I have blue eyes, I can't see the same shades of white that Japanese people can. My eyes are weak and I've only been seeing beige for the last 23 years. I was dumbstruck.
Ah, work. It's getting pretty old. My brain is getting mushier everyday. The kids are funny as usual though. By funny, I mean they have problems using a toilet. I dont know why all my stories about work involve urine but they do. This time it was a cute little 4 year old guy named Ruka. We were colouring some vegetable cards and learning all about sweet potatoes, leeks, and radishes, when Ruka suddenly turned around, put his head down and stopped colouring. I thought he was just being lazy so I tried to get him to keep colouring and told him he would never get anywhere in life if he didn't know what a leek was. Turns out, he had peed himself. So I felt bad for him, he's a good kid, and I took him to the bathroom, handed him the toilet paper and told him to figure it out. Unfortunately for me and Ruka, he left his urine-soaked pants in the doorway and I stepped in them, thus ensuring that he will not learn another word of English from me this year. The pee stain in the middle of the carpet left by Ruka did prove to have its uses though. The class after Ruka's has some little shits in it and they of course asked me if the suspicious-looking dark, wet stain in the carpet was urine. I half-heartedly denied it and suggested it was water. For the rest of the class, all my games and activities were organized so that the kids I didn't like were sitting in or around the pee. It was awesome.
Last month was parent observation month with my company so the Moms of all the students came to watch their kids learn about pentagons, daffodils, and such and generally be dissapointed in their childrens' progress in English. It is fucking amazing how little control over their children Japanese mothers have or want to have. I figured the kids would be little angels with their moms right there watching them. Not so. And, what made it worse, all the moms brought the siblings of my students along for the ride.
My class:

Bouche: Ok class, nice to see you again. How are you?
Class: (Confused look)
B: Riiight. Ok, Yuka, how....are....you?
Yuka: My mane is Yuka!
B: (Sigh) Yes. Um, Yuko, how....are....you?
Yuko: Spaghetti!
B: What? That's not even close. Oh, Yuki, please stop that. Those are scissors. And that is Yuka's face. (I Look meaningfully at Yuki's mother. She is giggling).
Naoki: (In Japanese) My sister is here and she's 2 years old!
(This starts a torrent of Japanese from all the students about random things)
B: Ok, guys. It's English time ok? Now, what is this?
Class: Hexagon!
B: Good work! That will come in handy someday.
(Naoki's previously mentioned 2 yr old sister comes over and joins us)
B: Oh, hello. You're cute aren't you? OK, class, what kind of flower is this?
Class: Chrysanthemum!
B: Wow! Good work. OH! (Naoki's sister has punched me in the junk)
B: (Wincing) Ok, Thank you for that. Um, maybe you can go back to your mom eh?
(She does not. Tries to grab my balls. Mother is avoiding eye contact with me)
B: Alright. Everyone go get your crayons, we're going to colour stuff.
(Everyone runs to get their crayons, I give Naoki's sister a stapler to play with, her mother seems fine with it)
B: Ok, colour the pentagon aquamarine! (Yuka bursts into tears, violently)
B: Oh fuck. Now what? Oh. I stepped on your bag. Well, crying seems like a reasonable reaction to that.

And so on. It's over now though so I don't have to worry about being violated by younger siblings anymore. So March should be interesting with the new teachers coming. I'm saving money for a couple of trips in the spring so I won't be doing much I don't think. Not that I have a huge social circle here to do stuff with. By the way, although these emails are really cynical and everything, I do really enjoy Japan. I just think emails about how great everything is are really boring. Ok, see ya.

Bouche