Worst…Halloween Party…..Ever.

I think I will be pretty cold this winter. I came to Japan with only a thin Puma jacket so I have been searching for a winter jacket recently. Unfortunately, big, shiny poofy jackets with fur-lined collars seem to be in fashion at the moment and that doesn't really scream Bouche. Keeping with Japan's "Follow the herd no matter what" mentality, stores have all but banned the sale of any jackets other than big, poofy, shiny ones so I think I'm shit out of luck if I want to stay fashionable/keep warm for the next few months. Maybe I'll just wear a towel over my current jacket.
My work here in Japan is so easy I couldn't do it for more than a year, I would feel too guilty. Last month, I taught 31 classes, one class being 1 hour long. Adding office days and prep time, I worked a total of 62 hours in November. The work itself is very simple and very ineffective. These kids don't learn anything. They learn words like "hexagon", "octagon", and "sweet potato". We did Halloween curriculum in October and November and apparently the students' Japanese teacher had told them my class was going to be a "Halloween Party". No one informed me of this. So they were all bright-eyed and excited and came in asking if we were going to play Halloween games and if I was going to tell them a ghost story. I said, "Ha! Ghost story. Yeah, Ill tell you a ghost story. It's about a hexagon. Now sit down and try not to pee yourselves for the next hour." So we played the same games we always do, but I said "Boo" more often.
There are some very cute kids in my classes and some very ugly ones. Some of them are just ugly but are at least clean and sometimes funny, but some of them are disgusting. I avoid these kids as much as possible. They come in with dried snot on their faces and dirt on their legs and I spend the energy I would have spent teaching them English on avoiding anything they have touched. By the end of my contract, I hope to notice a direct correlation between how cute a kid is, and how much English they know. My theory is, if you are as irreparably ugly as some of these kids are, you probably won’t be going far in life anyways, so learning English shouldn't be a big concern to you. Most of the kids are fairly cute and there aren't that many "irreparables" as I call them, so I figure I'm doing a good job overall.
My company is very much more concerned with making money than anything else so they will often throw kids of very different levels in the same class, just to make it easier on the parents. This happens a lot with siblings. So I will have a class with 5, 7, and 9 year olds for example. One class was mostly 4 and 5 year olds until two younger siblings were thrust upon me, both having just turned 2 years old. These kids don’t speak Japanese well, never mind English. Fortunately, they don't cry and are quite funny. All I do is make funny sounds and they giggle and roll around for an hour. Apparently, 2 year olds don’t go to the bathroom by themselves so well though. One girl didn't sit far enough back on the toilet and peed all over the floor, then stood in the pee, then took off her pants and dropped them in the pee. So she didn't do a great job overall. We have spare underwear in the classrooms but not spare pants so I didn’t really know what to do and she was pleading with me to fix it. So I just shoved a bunch of toilet paper down her pants, cranked the heat, made some funny noises and got her to run around for awhile, hoping it would dry enough for her to not notice anymore. It worked quite well for the most part.
There are a lot of door-to-door salesmen here in Japan and they can be quite fun. I open the door and they take a step back and get a little look of surprise on their face. Then they smile and think for second about whether or not it’s worth trying to sell whatever they have to me. Some just say sorry and try the next door, but most make a pretty determined effort. Whenever I don’t feel like having a painful conversation with them, I just answer the door with my shirt off. This is very un-Japanese and freaks most of them out into saying sorry and trying the next door. Or, I mix some incorrect Japanese with some really complex sentences I have memorized, which can be very fun. An example.

Salesman: (Look of surprise) Oh! Good morning.
Bouche: I’m fine, thank you.
S: (Chuckles) Um. Do you need a warmer blanket? It's getting colder now, and I have some great blankets for really cheap.
B: (Blank stare)
S: Um, ok. I have blankets. Very good!
B: Ah, blankets! Hmmm, I have a good blanket but my friend in Hiroshima needs one and it would make a good Christmas present, wouldn't it?
S: Ah! You speak very good Japanese! Ok, I have a variety of styles and colours. Here, take a look.
B: (Smiles) I don’t understand.
S: Oh. Look at this. (Points at picture)
B: Ah. Price when pillow is it?
S: What?
B: Sorry, how long pillow price?
S: (Confused) No, they are blankets. Um....
B: What are they made from? And can I get one shipped to my friend?
S: Uh, yes you can. They are made from goose down, very good quality.
B: (Blank stare, shrugs shoulders)
S: (Gives me a weird look) Ok to send to friend. Good blanket!
B: I'm sorry, I don't speak Japanese.
S: (A little frustrated) Would you like to buy one?
B: Yes, I'm an English teacher.
S: Ok, um. Thank you for your time, have a good day.
B: Thanks, you should try the people on the 4th floor, they are very nice and are always home.
S: Wha-
(I close the door)

Aside from that not much to report from Japan. No one has looked at me yet and I am developing a hatred for my neighbours for never being visible. I’m going to Nagano, Tokyo and Yokohama for Christmas which should be fun.Anyways, have a good Festivus and New Years.

Bouche


P.S. I get some half-white, half-Japanese kids, or "mudbloods" as I imagine the Japanese call them, in my classes sometimes, which is really weird because they look white but speak Japanese. It freaks me out.