In Thailand, Dogs Have Balls.

It's true, they do. It’s distracting sometimes. Even the cats have balls, which looks even weirder. Anyways, The weather has picked up over here somewhat, which is nice. For a while there, it was pretty bad. The last morning it rained I sat on our patio and watched the locals sandbagging areas of the beach because the rain was cutting rivers into the beach and the bungalows were in danger of being swept in the sea. We also ran out of things to do. The rain did have some good parts, it kept everything in Thailand really really green. And that was one of the main reasons I came to Thailand anyways, green things. On the first day of "sun", we ran out to the beach and chilled for a while. I promptly got very burnt under the overcast sky, which was impressive even for me. After that we had a good time driving around the island on scooters and snorkeling etc. we were trying to get someone to take us out fishing but all the travel places wanted like 5000 baht so we scootered to this tiny fishing village and asked the mother of the ugliest family I’ve ever seen if any one of them could do it. We got a good deal (my first ever) and some old guy who didn’t speak a word of English took us out for a few hours. Grunty, as Trav and I called him, would only communicate with grunts. A small fish would call for a disapproving unnnnhhhh. A nice fish would be rewarded by a more enthusiastic gaaaaaaaaaahhh. So we had fun. One thing about Thailand, the servers here are fucking horrible. I mean, I wouldn’t work very hard if I wasn’t getting tips either but they are really bad. One person's food will come right away while the other person sits for like 30 min, then juice will come later, then the easiest thing on the menu will arrive as you're about to leave. Its weird. This is a typical conversation for Trav and me in a Thai restaurant.

(My food arrives, missing toast)
T: Looks pretty good doesn’t it? (English accent of course)
B: Quite right, I believe he has missed my toast though.
T: I wouldn’t count on seeing that mate.
B: Oi! Is that our fucking waiter buzzing off on his bike?!
T: He's buggered off!
B: Probably off to find your juice.
T: He better not go to fucking Thong Sala for that juice, I’ll be here all day.
B: Well, my juice is fucking magic.
T: Wanker.
(Trav's food arrives 20 min later, sans juice)
B: Well, you want to play some hearts while we wait for your juice?
T: Yeah alright.
(2 hands later)
B: Fuck this stupid game! I’m not playing.
(Silence for 5 min, both of us bring out books)
B: What kind of juice did ya get anyways?
T: I haven’t the foggiest.
(10 min of reading passes)
B: Oh Harry potter, you've done it again.
(Trav shakes his head in disgust)
B: Oi! Look at that dog's bollocks! They’re huge they are!
T: Shut up Bouche, just (sighs) just shut up about the dogs.
(Silence for 5 min followed by waiter coming back with juice. My toast
arrives 15 min later)

Yeah, so that’s about it. So we went to Koh Tao after a couple days in Koh Phangnan to do some diving. Pretty wicked compared to home, actually swam with a whale shark yesterday. We had people coming up to us last night in the bar asking about it. My instructor was a bit of a douchebag, spent like15 min last night in the bar telling trav and me the ins and outs (no pun intended) of buying whores. Met up with some crazy Danish guys and have been hanging out with them for a while. The Danes have a dumb language. They call breakfast morning food, lunch is noon food, and dinner is evening food. Im not joking. The Vikings must have been too busy raping and pillaging to come up with names for stuff. Last night they dressed up in child size superhero costumes and hit the town. Very funny. Oh, one more story. There’s this guy who went to argyle, don’t remember his name but I played rugby with him and I didn’t like him. I saw him the other night in town, pretended not to see him. Then, we're with the Danes in a restaurant watching a movie, “Deuce Bigalow European gigolo”. (The Danes felt that this movie was a good choice to watch while eating evening food). This guy sits down 5 feet away from me, facing me. And he knows Im there and he’s staring at me and I had to sit watching that stupid movie for 2 hours focusing the whole time on not looking to my right. That’s a long time to not look to the right. Might be a bit awkward if I run into him back at home.
So anyways, going to see a couple more islands, then off to Malaysia then back up to Bangkok before seeing Cambodia, Vietnam etc. I will respond to individual emails eventually so I am not ignoring you on purpose. Well, some of you maybe.

BOUCHE


P.S. Trav and I just witnessed a group of hookers beat up some girl in the street. They’re ferocious.